Redeem this text for a blowjob
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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