he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i think my cat just said my name.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
