so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
