you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
