it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
