Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
