Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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