so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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