Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
