cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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