in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
