she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
