sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
