He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
