If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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