Will you blow on my dice?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We left the knife in your bed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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