I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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