Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
