Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize