people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Randomize
