there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I believe in your delicious
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
