He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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