Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
