This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
