It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
