You work out of a Hotel?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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