goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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