She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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