Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize