some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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