That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
