Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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