Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
