sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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