I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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