Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
