I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
pop tarts are not kleenex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
