it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
