Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize