How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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