I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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