That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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