I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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