I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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