I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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