Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
