I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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