Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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