I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
