i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
