If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
