Dual....:-)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
