my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
