I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
