Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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