im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drake has all the answers
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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