i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
