I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
be right there i have to get my cape
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
