I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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