Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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