Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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