it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
