I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
