dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
