Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
