Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
