Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
