Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize