I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
