I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
