That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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